Who Should NOT Get Married
As you all know I have always been an advocate of there is someone for everyone so you do not need to stay with an incompatible partner. However I need to make this clear that even though there is a match for you, marriage is not for everyone. Therefore you really need to be honest about whether you are suitable for it. There are just some people who should not get married.
We hear of people getting divorced all the time, some multiple times so obviously they are either picking the wrong partner or marriage isn’t for them. To pick the correct partner it is a matter of knowing what are the important points you need to match up on, and how to assess it. This I have outlined in my book: Your Complete Partner – How to choose the right partner for love and marriage for a lifetime.
What is a marriage?
However what if it wasn’t just a matter of choosing the wrong partner? What if marriage itself just wasn’t for you? To assess whether marriage is for you we need to first know what a marriage is.
Marriage is essentially a partnership and you are a member of a team and because of that you need to act with the understanding that you are a team member. That means you have to contribute, understanding and acknowledgment that what you do or don’t do will affect your partner. Therefore if you are not a team player then marriage is simply not for you.
Remember at work where there are just some people who cannot work in a team? They tend to be standoffish and don’t put any effort in or do their part of the project. They even even have to keep being pushed to do any work at all. Then at the end you feel angry as they did not put effort in but also shared in the credit for the work you all did.Then the better option would have been to give them separate work for them to do on their own.
Basically it comes down to those who are self-centred, not a team player, and therefore cannot work in a team as in a team you need to think of the others in the team.
Why some just can’t think of others
There are many reasons why someone can’t think of others. It ranges from it just having a self-centred personality, to having no knowledge or experience how to think of others. There are those that have been single for a long time so are only used to doing things their way as it only impacts them. This then becomes dificult for them to change.
Firstly becomes a big step to have to now always remember that what they do also affects someone else. Secondly they also now have to know how what they do impacts their partner. Thirdly you also have to know what types of actions you need to take as a couple. This can be a very big challenge to someone always used to be alone or naturally self-centred. Unfortunately no matter what advice you always hear it is something that is actually difficult to learn. For this is akin to trying to teach someone to be considerate of others. Some people naturally are considerate, others cannot no matter how much they are told they need to be.
It is not enough to say you understand what being in a marriage means, or understand conceptually what it means to now be a part of a couple. What only matters in the end is that you actually do act as a part of one. You don’t just have to talk the talk, you need to walk the walk, to do it. That is why in the end marriage is not for everyone and some people should not get married.